What Can I Say That Will Help a Friend Deal With Loss?

I just received a heart-wrenching email from a friend of several decades. She asked me to give her any words of wisdom that could help her cope with the impending death of her beloved husband of 35 years.

I have had the privilege of watching the two of them work through challenges, raise children, and build a wonderful life together. After they retired, they traveled and they basked in the love of several beautiful grandchildren. They accomplished these things as a couple.   My friend has shared a bed and a home with this man for more than three quarters of her life. And now it is unimaginable for her that he will no longer be here and that she will be alone.

Lonely Lady

Words of wisdom? There aren’t any. I do however feel somewhat guilty that I am envious of her. She is suffering and she is scared. What could I possibly be envious of, you ask?

To have this level of loss means that she has experienced a level of love that most of us can only dream about. To experience a great love is a gift. Most of us can only hope that we find the one person who will laugh at the same silly things, cry together when facing sadness, and have each other’s back when the world seems like a scary place. Not for a day. Not for a week. But for a lifetime.

There are no words of wisdom. No one can say anything magical to lessen the pain. No one can do anything to make the loneliness go away. All we can do for each other is be a loving, supportive, soft place to land.

gray tabby kitten cat rubbing up against a golden retriever puppy dog in grass in a garden scene with pink flowers behind them.

During our lifetime, if we are truly blessed and extremely lucky, we will find that one special person who is the love of our life.

My dear friend has found this. And now she must find a way to say goodbye. She needs to find the strength to live her life without Larry. And she will. Life will be much sadder for a while. Life will be much lonelier for a while. The truth is, she will never totally heal from the pain she is now feeling.

Hopefully within time her children her grandchildren her friends and the memories that she and her husband have shared will bring her joy and comfort.

I am sure if you were to ask both of my friends what they would advise other people to do, it would be to laugh and play more. Let go of the small stuff. Keep an open heart. In other words be happy.

Cheerful senior couple blowing bubbles in park

We are given a very short time on this earth. Make the most of it while you can. Let go of grudges. Be less angry. Be kinder. It doesn’t matter what the next guy does. Hold yourself up to a higher standard.

We don’t get to choose how and when we die. We do however get to choose how we live and how we love!

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do.

You can buy the e-book version by clicking this link, http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

or get a printed copy mid-summer when it is released.

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

5 thoughts on “What Can I Say That Will Help a Friend Deal With Loss?

  1. Michele says:

    A loving tribute and I’m sure the couple in question would agree while-heartedly with your assessment! I am grieving the loss of my mother and found it to be true for my situation as well.

  2. Roni says:

    My grandmother passed away over 30 years ago. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her. What I wouldn’t give for one more hug. I am so sorry for your loss Michele. I know how close you were with your mom. Take care.

  3. Sue says:

    Thank You Roni

  4. Melody says:

    Very well said. When you love deeply it’s impossible to say goodbye. As heartbreaking as the loss of someone we truly love is they would want us to go on. What do you say to someone who has lost so much? “I am sorry for your loss” just doesn’t seem to be enough. “I pray for the strength you will need to walk through the days ahead” ” I hope you can find comfort in your memories”. As time passes you will never forget your loss, but those memories will bring you smiles again and mend your broken heart 💔 even if not completely. To ask why they are taken from us, first we would have to ask why we were blessed to have them in our lives. Amazing couples never forget the love, they learn to share it with others, so we need to let them grieve, and let them remember because those memories help them heal.

  5. Roni says:

    Melody, your words speak from experience. Your passion speaks from the heart. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings. It may not seem like it, but, just knowing there are people who take the time to share their own loss does bring some measure of comfort. Thank you for taking the time to do this. Roni

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