Relationships

HOW TO DEAL WITH LOSS.

I have always felt that the deeper the love, the harder the loss. These words bring me little comfort at this moment, as I recently said good-bye to my beautiful beagle, Roxie. She was barely 8 weeks old, 15 years ago when I fell head-over-heels in love with her.

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For anyone who has lost a family pet; sibling; parent; friend; child or spouse, no amount of words can make up for the hole that is left in our hearts. The comforting words and support I have received is overwhelming and, to a degree, helpful. I am also well aware that no one gets away in this life without experiencing loss.

Memories, pictures and funny stories are all that’s left. These also bring some comfort. However; it is the physical presence that cannot be replaced, substituted or conjured up. My grandmother, who I adored, passed away over 33 years ago, and I still miss her warm smile, loving arms and stuffed cabbage to this day.

Life can change on a dime. Life cannot be taken for granted. No one gets a crystal ball letting him or her know when the last good-bye, kiss, or hug is truly the last. Knowing this we can let the people in our lives know how much they truly mean to us. We can hold our loved ones closer, and use our words and actions to love and NOT to hurt.

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Living life waiting to lose someone is NOT the answer. However be aware that life is a precious gift that should be treasured and nurtured. My suggestion is to err on the side of taking too many pictures and using many expressions of love and caring.

At the end of your journey, I promise it won’t be the money you have earned, the toys you have amassed or even the trips you have taken that will bring you the most joy. It will be the people you dined with, laughed with and cried with that will be a measure of your life. I include in this group, our furry friends who we are fortunate enough to care for, love and be loved by for such a short period of time.   Enrich their lives the way they enrich yours. Give them the type of love they give you…UNCONDITIONAL!

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In My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick I address subjects such as Find Your Blessings, and Love and Happiness. These chapters very much speak to the subject of this blog. Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy of my book:   http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.

#loss, #sadness, #love, #support, #puppylove, #solvangusa

DO YOU HONOR YOUR WORD?

My dad was a man of many expressions. We have this in common. Lately I have been thinking of two that he frequently used. One was, “When Mike says something you can take it to the bank.” The other was, “When Ben shakes my hand I have to count my fingers.”

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When you tell someone they can count on you, can they? When you give your word that you will pay back a loan, do you, or do they have to chase you for repayment? When you offer to help someone work on a project, do you show up, or do they have to call you to remind you when to come over?   Do your friends eventually give up on you when they realize your word means nothing?

Some people have intentions to honor their words. Others seem to say what they think someone else wants to hear. And yet others find it easier to say yes now and make up excuses later. If you fall into these categories and you think other people are fooled, think again. It doesn’t take long for someone to learn who is trustworthy.

I believe there are many things we can’t control in our world. One of the things we can control is what comes out of our mouth. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, you are responsible for your words.

WORDS.

Another expression I heard while growing up is, “If you can count on one hand the real friends you have you are lucky.” Decades later I still don’t understand why there are so few people that honor their word and commitments.

When you look at your friends do you know who will be there for you? When your friends look at you do they consider you trustworthy?

For me, I’d like to think my friends and family find me reliable. If I say I will be there, they know I will. We all have expectations regarding the definition of a good friend.   After all, not everyone has the same standards.

When it comes down to it, ‘our word is our bond’. Although this is an old-fashioned expression the meaning is contemporary, as you are assuring someone that your promise will be kept. Isn’t that, after all, what you would expect from others? In researching the top values most parents want to pass along to their children, commitment and belief in others are at the top of the list.

Father and son (8-10) holding hands, close-up

Children learn not from our words, but from our actions. Think about this the next time you make a promise. Integrity and honoring our commitments should be the standard, NOT the exception. What do you think?

Make 2017 the year to make positive changes by becoming someone that you respect and would choose for a friend!

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? You have much to gain and little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. #honoryourword, #solvangusa,#commitment,#12waystodiscoverwhatmakesyoutick.

Use this convenient link to buy my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Life Coach

Do you find yourself unable to move forward with your life simply because you can’t imagine how to crawl out from under the weight of your present situation?

A Life Coach may be your answer, not necessarily a therapist, attorney or financial adviser. The job of a life coach is to work with you while guiding you to understand and ultimately work through the challenges that prevent you from completing your immediate or long term goals.

My qualifications include the following:

  • I am a published author of the book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick.
  • I have authored the instructional manual, How To Avoid Losing a Loved One Due To a Senseless Fight.
  • I have written over 150 inspirational blogs.
  • I have created 36 motivational You Tube Videos.
  • I have received glowing endorsements from psychiatrists and psychologists from major institutions.
  • I have counseled numerous clients with their interpersonal problems with an amazing success rate.
  • I work with young students as well as those in the third chapter of their lives.

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Please feel free to check out my website at Ronikugler.com. My book is available on Amazon.com

If you feel that your life can benefit from my services I can be reached at:

#growththroughawareness, #mindfulness, #nevergiveup, #Godhelpsthosewhohelpthemselves,#itisnevertoolatetoteacholddogsnewtrick. #eachchapterofyourlifecanbeyourbest.

 

NEVERGIVEUP

Roni Kugler

Roni12Ways@gmail.com

818-207-1511

Is It Good To See The World Through Rose-Colored Glasses?

Some people think it is unrealistic to see only the good. They regard people who do as naïve. What happens though, when the rose-colored glasses give an unrealistic view of a person or a scenario that leaves us making poor decisions and dealing with the disappointment of being misled? Studies, including Psychology Today, have shown that people who look for the good and the positive actually feel happier, are more productive and others want to be in their presence.

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I have discussed this with numerous people, and unfortunately I have had personal experience in this area. We all have one thing in common: Because we are not manipulative people and we live up to our word, it is difficult to believe there are those who don’t. We are educated, mature and feel we make sound choices. And yet…when it comes to certain people we succumb to the adage, “There is a sucker born every minute.”

Long after removing ourselves from the situation and engaging with the other person, the common cry remains, “What were we thinking?” With distance and time it is very clear to see all the red flags and oncoming trains. Yet while we were living the situation, why was it impossible to achieve clarity? Like me, I trust that you had people in your life that advised you, warned you, and told you their concerns. Somehow though we defended and justified our actions.

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It is my nature to take someone at his or her word. I don’t like having to stop and analyze, “What is this person’s motive?” So, how do I and those like me protect ourselves from falling into a similar trap?

I know I am now using all my senses. I look for actions, not just words. I feel with my heart and my gut, and think with my brain. I take things a bit more slowly. If we aren’t learning from our experiences and mistakes then we have only ourselves to blame.

So if you, like me and millions of others, see the world through rose-colored glasses, take them off once in awhile to thoroughly clean them. This will provide you the opportunity to see the world for all it is. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

Rose colored glasses

Share your thoughts; I would love to hear them.

My book 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do.

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

DIVERSITY

When I was a young child and was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was an actress. When I hit puberty and was asked the same question, I said I wanted to go to New York and write. In my mid 20s I wanted to have a husband, a white picket fence and a bunch of kids. I went on to become a single working mom in the electronics industry. My life didn’t exactly go the way I dreamed it would, although I did go on to publish a book.

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When I think about ALL of the various places my imagination has taken me throughout the decades, an UBER driver never entered my mind. (I do realize UBER is a recent phenomenon.) Life has a way of providing us with what we need when we need it. With all the negative politics, fears that our youth are entitled, and concerns that so much hate exists in the world, I now have a bird’s eye view of a larger scope. Consequently I feel a renewed faith in mankind.

The high school kids I pick up are polite, engaged and upbeat. There are college students who ride the Metro then hire an UBER in order to matriculate at their University. These young adults are intelligent and motivated. Entitled? I think not! I have driven exchange students from various countries. I learn so much from their ability to live with strangers in neighborhoods far from home. I have driven record producers, housekeepers, activists, fashion designers and vocational school attendees from all over the world.

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I was fortunate to be raised in a household that DID NOT judge people who were different. I was taught to look at character and values. My recent driving experiences have reinforced my parents’ beliefs: There are great qualities in people of every color, nationality and religion.

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Perhaps if we stopped fearing what is unfamiliar and take the time to know people who are different, we might learn to open our hearts and our minds. Most human beings want the same things: A safe place to raise our children, security, opportunity and a support system. We have more in common than we have differences. If you want a kinder world, be kinder. If you want a world that doesn’t hate, don’t be a hater. Teach your children through positive examples.

The next generation deserves nothing less! Judge Judy says, “There is a reason you have two ears and one mouth.”

Think about this!

Make 2017 the year to make positive changes by not judging without merit.

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick will help give you insights and understanding as to why you make the choices you do. Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy   http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you perspective. You have much to gain and little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.   #self-respect, #kindness, #communication, #diversity #openness, #understandingothers.

Our Inner Dialog: What Does It Really Say?

This morning I shared one of my recent inner dialogs with someone whom I really respect. It went something like this, “Geez Roni, what an idiot you were to have trusted that person. What were you thinking?”

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My friend said, “Would you have said the same thing to your son or grandson had they confided in you that they made a similar mistake?” It didn’t take me long to say, “Of course not, although I may have added that was a bonehead thing to do.”

My friend then said if you were walking with a friend and she stubbed her toe, would you comfort her?” I replied, “Of course I would.” She continued, “If you stubbed your own toe, would you berate yourself for being careless or not wearing better shoes?” Sounded just about right to me.

Okay, so I am sure you get the analogy. I know I did. Our inner dialog lets us know how we are dealing with our lives and our decisions. Harsh words and negative thoughts ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS!

This journey we call life is comprised of choices. Some will be good, some not so good, and some will in fact be bonehead decisions. It is what we learn from each circumstance that will ultimately guide our future decisions. Will we be repeat offenders or wiser people?

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On a very long walk later in the day, I changed the dialog in my head to sound like this, “Okay, Roni, you can’t change the past. You can however give yourself a break by acknowledging that this wasn’t your finest moment. Know you have the ability to devise a back-up plan, comfort yourself with a “there-there”, then move forward.”

There are no magic pills that can guide us through all of life’s challenges. There are no magic words that can erase bad choices and decisions. Fortunately though, there is a new start everyday when we awaken. We have the ability to make a decision to walk in a direction that is more positive and that will ultimately help us feel better about ourselves.

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When you change your thoughts from negative to positive, you improve your attitude and energy. So if you find yourself in a storm without an umbrella and rain gear, find a warm place to wait it out. Take a hot bath when you get home. And make a plan to keep the necessary equipment in your car to be better prepared the next time.

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And for God sakes, give yourself a break!

There is a chapter in my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, titled Honor Yourself. Like all of the chapters I give examples and exercises to help my readers understand themselves better. I plan on reviewing it for myself.

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.

How Do We Deal With Loss?

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This past week several of my friends experienced loss. A good friend recently lost her husband; another is having a service for the father of her children; another is visiting the cemetery on the anniversary of her daughter’s passing, and yet another has lost her precious dog. If we are fortunate to live a long life, we will experience loss due to death. When it comes to mourning and dealing with loss, there is absolutely no formula, right or wrong way to cope with it.

For example, one of my friends does NOT want any communication for several days. Another is reaching out to her friends by sharing her sadness in writing. Another friend plans to take a hiatus to spend time away from her home.

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There is an expectation that loss of a loved one, family pet or marriage will cause varying degrees of tears, heartbreak, depression and loneliness. No one would expect less.

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What happens though when the loss is subtle? This could be a move to another area, ending a toxic friendship or quitting a group that you have belonged to for a long period of time. Although these are not necessarily life altering, we still feel a sense of loss and sadness. Whether this pertains to a routine you had established or friends you had met, the end result is emptiness.

Although we all deal with disappointment, loss and change differently, my advice is to find balance. We all have the capacity to work through tough times. We all have the ability to make our lives better. For some this process requires small steps. Rely on your faith, your friends, a group, a book and your inner strength, as you don’t need to do this alone.

So, how do we deal with loss? We accept it, respect it, and ultimately find ways to live with it.

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do.roni-kugler_final_low-res-2

With the holidays upon us consider giving my book as a gift to friends, family, co-workers or those who can benefit from understanding themselves and therefore their actions. That’s pretty much everyone, don’t you agree?

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your #interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.

 

#loss, #balance, #faith, #change, #whatmakesyoutick.

Do Your Friends and Family Feel Valued?

On a recent walk, a new friend approached the subject of my book. She had recently read it and offered some great suggestions regarding what she thought was an untapped audience for me.

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Later that evening while texting her, I told her that I appreciated her input. She wrote back to me and simply said, “Thank you for always making me feel acknowledged and important.”

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There is a commercial on TV where people with psoriasis (a skin disease) simply say, “See me.” It occurred to me that the simple act of being in tune and paying attention to others is so important. It is not enough to simply hear and value what they say, but more importantly to tell them how much we appreciate their views and opinions.

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When you talk with your children or grandchildren, are you paying attention with half an ear? Are you listening to them while texting a friend? When you were a child, did the adults in your life give you their full attention? Or were they watching a TV show or peering over a newspaper while you spoke? When you meet a friend to see a movie or shop are you ALWAYS checking your phone?

There have been so many studies researching what children really need from their parents. As it turns out, children don’t need more games or toys, but quality time spent with mom and dad. I don’t believe this pertains solely to kids. At all ages we want the people we spend time with to be in the moment with us.

Dr. Phil mentioned on a TV episode that he recently had lunch with a friend who was constantly checking his phone during their time together. After a short period of time, in total frustration, Dr. Phil stood up to leave. He told his friend that clearly the person on the phone was more important than he was. He finished by saying; “When you want to spend time with me, let me know.” And then he left.

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The next time you are at a friend’s house put your phone in your purse or jacket. The next time you spend the day with your children or grandchildren refrain from texting your friends and encourage them to do the same. Truly, is there anything more important than paying attention to the people in your presence who have chosen to spend their time with you?

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do.

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.  #mindfulness, #appreciation, #gratitude, #kindness.

What is Really Important in our Lives?

I had arranged to have professional pictures taken of my son, daughter-in-law and grandson. We met at a local park that has rolling green grass and a white picket fence…a beautiful setting for this event.

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The four of us hammed it up as the camera continuously clicked. We mixed it up by taking turns as mother and son, grandson and grandma, and various other combinations. We laughed, played and just enjoyed the time together.

When I was growing up, pictures were processed at a studio where we would spend a fortune to get prints. In this generation, a small thumb drive containing all the pictures is inserted into a laptop for easy upload.

When we finished the 30 minute shoot, I took my laptop out of my car and laid it on the trunk. The external hard drive was attached to my computer by cable. After our photographer completed the upload and left us, my laptop began to slip off the car. While the laptop was saved, the hard drive went crashing to the ground. This relatively thin plastic device was no match for the asphalt parking lot.

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All four of us were now looking at three pieces that used to be one. The first words out of my mouth were, “Oh crap, my entire world was just lost!” (I am pretty sure I cleaned up my language since my grandson was present.) Without missing a beat my son said, “Mom, your entire world is still right here.” He was obviously referring to himself and the rest of our family.

It didn’t take me long to put this incident in perspective. Files can be retrieved. Pictures can be reproduced through I Cloud or whatever other devices on which we save important documents. Friends, family, our pets are what should be called our world as they cannot be replaced.

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We went on to have dinner, talk about our week and enjoy our time together. I went home pressed the hard drive parts together and used duct tape to keep it closed. This solution worked, and I was pleased. I then looked at the pictures we had taken which made me smile. The take away: Toys, objects and souvenirs are all replaceable. Keep life in perspective and don’t sweat the small stuff. This was a reminder to me to do just that!

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments. #cherishyourlovedones, #keepliveinperspective, #don’tsweatthesmallstuff.

Is The Third Chapter Of My Life As Important As The First Two?

A good friend of mine has been telling me for months to watch a movie that was released in 1996. It is called Mother starring Albert Brooks and Debbie Reynolds. I finally got around to watching it on Netflix yesterday.

For those of you who weren’t born yet, or are too old to remember, the premise of the movie is this:

Two grown sons have a rather unhealthy relationship with their mother.  The older son (Brooks) is an author of several books who has unhealthy relationships with women in general. He blames his mother for this and, consequently, is at odds with her. Determined to learn why he and ‘mom’ are always fighting, he moves back home, recreates his teenage bedroom and spends all of his time with her to get to know his mother better.

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More than halfway through the movie he finds several boxes of short stories that his mother had written in her youth. He sits on his bed and begins to read them. When she comes home and sees him reading her personal works, she becomes very angry with him. He can’t understand why she is so upset, and she can’t understand why he is even interested in reading something from so long ago.

It is when he says, “Mother, I never knew you liked to write. I never knew you had this creative side”, that the movie becomes really interesting to me. This is mostly because I spend so much time thinking about what makes us ‘tick’. In other words, why do we act the way we do and make the choices we do. The biggest impact on me was when the mother said to her son, “I had a life before you; I had dreams of what I wanted to be.” This prompted me to think about the goals and dreams many of us put aside to raise a family and handle all of life’s demands.

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The son begins to realize that his mother has built up resentments toward him because he lived his dream and she didn’t live hers. In a very emotional and heartwarming way, he holds her hand and expresses his discovery to her. She then gives him a loving look and says, “You are right, dear.” Big Hug for them; lots of tissues for me.

Mother and Son Hugging

In the last scene:

He packs up his belongings and goes back to his life feeling satisfied that he has a better understanding of his mother, their relationship and himself. We see him get into his car, and we see the mother sit down at the word processor (remember this was 1996), with a smile on her face as she once again begins to write.

The take-away: The third chapter of your life is as important as the first two. Don’t just walk through it. You were someone before you became a parent, and you are someone after your children have leave the nest. Live each day with purpose, passion and joy! No matter what your age, you have much to live, experience and learn!

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do. This in turn helps us make healthier changes that will ultimately give us the perspective needed to improve interpersonal relationships. There is much to gain and little to lose.

You can buy the printed or e-book version by clicking this link, http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.