fears

Is There Really A Cosmic Plan?

I love this quote from Michael Josephson who is an inspirational speaker among his many other accomplishments. He borrowed the quote from Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened”.

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It is really difficult to smile and be happy when a relationship ends, a family pet dies or close friends move away. It is, however, easy to feel only sadness, disappointment and loss.

I firmly believe that people come into our lives for a reason. And not all of these relationships are meant to be with us forever. This doesn’t mean that the time together should be looked at as a failure. A good introspective question would be, “Am I better off having had this experience?” Or, “Even if things ended badly, did good things happen from the time together?”

I try to be pragmatic when faced with breakups, displacement, and change. Some may say, “I am not emotional enough” or “it’s easy for me to just walk away”. I, however, don’t see it quite that way. I believe that I feel deeply. I mourn, I cry and I question. What I don’t do is hold on. Yes, that’s right, I move on. After all if we didn’t experience and accept change, we would all be living in the house we where we born.

President Franklin Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” People say that life is a journey, yet too many are afraid of actually making the necessary changes to really live a full life.

Are you one of the many who are afraid to make a career change? Do you stay in a toxic relationship because you are afraid of being alone? When your family pet passes are you so afraid of having another broken heart that you don’t want to love another pet?”

Year-after-year if you find your life is not where you want it to be; if you wake up each morning and wonder why you are where you are; if you are more unhappy than happy on a balance scale, then WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?????

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Whether you believe there is a cosmic plan or a random plan, don’t sit around wishing for a different life. Figure out what you need to do to make changes. We are on this earth for a limited amount of time.

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Isn’t it time for you to take more control over your own destiny? Need to get a jump-start? Want to understand why you stay stuck? Need a little help in learning more about yourself and your decision making? Then you need my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick which is available for pre-order on Amazon.

Simply click on the link below to order your copy. Give yourself a gift. I guarantee it will be the best $8.95 you have spent in a long time!

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For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

Now take on the day!

Do You Have Passion In Your Life?

Six years ago I lived in a house, was in a relationship, had a job I liked and co-parented two adorable dogs. I enjoyed many activities and was blessed with good friends and a close-knit family.

And yet with all of the above I felt emptiness and a lack of real purpose. On one of my daily walks I found myself wondering why I wasn’t happier. As a side note, in general I am a “glass half full” kind of gal.

I let my mind wander trying to understand what was missing. The word passion kept coming to mind. Although I enjoyed my life, I didn’t feel passionate about it.

After about a month of walks during which my mind drifting in and out of the ‘lack of passion’ idea, I decided to change how I looked at the world.

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I started visualizing more, clearing my mind more and opening myself up to new and different ideas. I enrolled in a meditation class and talked with more people who were creative, not just concrete, as I tended to be.

To make a long story short (although it is a bit late for that), I now live in a one-bedroom apartment; I am single; I am retired from my day job, and I have NEVER been happier. Oh, and I still co-parent my dogs.

Why am I happier? Because I found my passion. Now, this did not happen overnight. It did however start with a single thought. It went something like this, “Roni, you need to open your mind and your heart to new ideas.” How did I do this? I committed to the universe that I wouldn’t say no or close doors to new directions that my life might take.

I began journaling my thoughts. This led to blogging, then to creating videos. I wrote inspirational stories, offered motivational exercises and shared thought-provoking situations.

After several months, I was encouraged by several friends to consider actually authoring a book, as I pen this blog, my first book has just been published!

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We are on this earth for a short period of time. Although one doesn’t need to quit jobs, divorce spouses or move to far-away places in order to find his or her passion, the truth is that passion and purpose gives our lives more meaning and pleasure.

If you are living a life presently devoid of passion, think about what you can do to incorporate passion into your life. And then reap the benefits.

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Do You Spend Too Much Time Worrying?

Perhaps it is where I am in life. It’s possible that because I am presently trying to have less drama and less stress around me, I am REALLY noticing these signs in others.

So many people I know are stressing over the unknown and getting worked up over what hasn’t happened and actually may never happen.

I was the type of parent who worried about everything from miscarriage, crib death, child molestation, kidnapping, car accidents and anything else in the news. Maybe it was because I had only one child. Perhaps it was because I was a single parent. Or more likely, my personality and personal fears were the reasons.

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It is no surprise that headaches, anxiety and sleepless nights were a large part of my lifestyle. There was one particularly horrible night when my 17-year-old son was out with friends. It was pouring rain and he was a relatively new driver. From the moment he left my home, I pictured every horrific scenario imaginable.

About a half-hour before he returned home that night I made a pact with myself. I started by acknowledging that I had, up until this point, spent his entire life over worrying about him. I now reasoned that the chances were pretty good that he would grow up and live a very long life. I was also pretty sure that if I didn’t change my thinking and emotions, I was going to die of a stress-related illness. Or at best, I would spend decades concerned about things that would probably never happen and therefore age early.

Seriously, African Bees, Lyme disease, mosquito-related illness… there are so many things that could get us.

I also realized I wouldn’t have the necessary strength or the ability to handle a crisis if I wore myself down agonizing for decades about things that may never materialize.

Back to my pact. I made the decision that I would wait until I was actually faced with a situation that needed my all. I would reserve my energy and therefore be in a better position to handle a crisis.

It amazed me that as soon as I articulated the above, I felt a calm come over me and on that very stormy night I fell asleep a full half-hour before my son arrived home. A first!

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It is very hard not to worry about our loved ones. It takes much awareness to not over-think life.

So to those of you who work yourself up and create tension by thinking of all the things that may happen, I advise you to try to neutralize it. Begin by waiting until you are faced with a situation that requires an action. I am pretty sure that if you can accomplish this, many of the crises that you had anticipated will never actually happen.

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A close friend of mine has said on more than one occasion, “If I knew how well my son was going to turn out I would have slept better.” Like my son, these boys are 43-year-old fathers with children of their own.

I hope they do a better job of enjoying the journey while their kids are young.

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

Look for my book 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, available through Amazon.com on E-book April 8th.

Do Your Friends Support You? Are You a Supportive Friend?

We all have an inner voice that is similar to a running dialog. I want to address the dialogs regarding positive and negatives messages. And more importantly, where do these messages originate from?

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When you think about your circle of friends, list out the ones that encourage and support your decisions and efforts. Then make a list of those friends who give you messages that are subtle or not so subtle filled with negativity that may cause you to doubt yourself. After you do this exercise, think about how much weight the positive people have on you and then the negative people. In other words, do you give up on a dream because of naysayers? Or do you forge ahead, putting their opinions on the back burner?

Many successful people have been recipients of attitudes similar to “You are not good enough” or “The odds are so overwhelming that you will succeed”. And on the list goes. A compelling reason for the success of these people is that they simply don’t buy into it.

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I’m not saying that good friends shouldn’t be the voice of reason. I am saying that it is not their job to rain on your parade. If there is someone in your life who is pursuing a passion or is trying something new, why would you want to be the person to bring him or her down? Why would you want to be the friend who causes them to question themselves?

Not everyone will be successful in his or her endeavors. Not everyone will get the results they desire. Take a hard look at yourself. What kind of message do you give the people in your life? Are you always pointing out the pitfalls? Do you tend play the “Devil’s Advocate” thinking that you are doing them a service? If you identify with this look in the mirror and ask yourself why.

My advice: try to be supportive and encouraging even if you disagree with what him or her. This doesn’t mean that you put aside good judgment. It just means you simply aren’t judgmental. After all, who is to say that success is measured by only one standard? Perhaps for some accomplishing an overwhelming task is the real reward.

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The takeaway…the next time you plan to spew negativity, weigh whether it is your job to point out all the reasons why your friend should give up. If you honestly feel that your friend is making a terrible mistake be compassionate while offering encouragement and support. Choose your words wisely, and wish them good luck.

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For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

Why Is It So Important To Face Our Fears?

While I was in my 40s, I found myself in Mammoth, CA on a slope that I had no business skiing down. To say I was in way over my head is an understatement. Unfortunately for me there was no backing up. My only options were to ride the chair lift or to go down on my own two feet. I never considered the chair lift option because at that time in my life I would have felt like a failure.

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It seemed like I stood still forever studying the hill. I observed all the ice, I saw all the moguls (packed mounds of snow), and I was aware how steep the slope was. I wondered, “How the hell did I get here?” All of these obstacles terrified me but they didn’t stop me. “Why”, you ask? From previous experiences I had learned that although I might be scared, if I took things slowly and believed in myself, I would be all right. I thought, “Ok Roni, if you fall it will be hard getting back up, but you will get back up”. And if I didn’t, I could always wait for the ski patrol to take me to a hot tottie and a roaring fire in the lodge below.

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I am big on back-up plans. But most importantly, I was a firm believer that a positive attitude, good planning, and preparation would give me the confidence to see me through just about anything.

After realizing just how challenging this was going to be, I planned my attack. I decided to take a small section at a time. I would traverse (small turns) and slide my way down. So with a quick prayer of, “Please don’t let me die”, I faced my skis downward and off I went. At each turn I made, at each section I passed, I felt a sense of relief and accomplishment. After about 10 minutes I decided to stop to look at how much more of the mountain was left. I could NOT believe there was so much more to go. It was at this point that I decided to look behind me. “Wow, did I do all that? How did I manage to get this far?” It became my routine to ski a bit, then stop and look behind me so I could appreciate just how far I had come.

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After what seemed like the longest 45 minutes of my life I found myself at the bottom of the hill. I had not fallen! I was impressed with myself and full of confidence. It felt so good. Then while I stood there taking it all in, I lost my balance and fell on the powdered snow below me. I just started to laugh. I remembered reading a quote from Woody Allen, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan”. It was at that point I looked up at the sky (which wasn’t hard to do as I was flat on my back), and made a pact with myself. I decided that when life became too difficult for me I would think of this day and remind myself that when things seem the bleakest there are always options.

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I often recall that day on the mountain where I learned a valuable lesson: self-confidence comes from facing your fears head on!

In my upcoming book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, I devote a whole chapter to facing your fears. This is one of the most empowering things we can do for ourselves. Don’t you agree?

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website, www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.