Family Issues

DIVERSITY

When I was a young child and was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was an actress. When I hit puberty and was asked the same question, I said I wanted to go to New York and write. In my mid 20s I wanted to have a husband, a white picket fence and a bunch of kids. I went on to become a single working mom in the electronics industry. My life didn’t exactly go the way I dreamed it would, although I did go on to publish a book.

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When I think about ALL of the various places my imagination has taken me throughout the decades, an UBER driver never entered my mind. (I do realize UBER is a recent phenomenon.) Life has a way of providing us with what we need when we need it. With all the negative politics, fears that our youth are entitled, and concerns that so much hate exists in the world, I now have a bird’s eye view of a larger scope. Consequently I feel a renewed faith in mankind.

The high school kids I pick up are polite, engaged and upbeat. There are college students who ride the Metro then hire an UBER in order to matriculate at their University. These young adults are intelligent and motivated. Entitled? I think not! I have driven exchange students from various countries. I learn so much from their ability to live with strangers in neighborhoods far from home. I have driven record producers, housekeepers, activists, fashion designers and vocational school attendees from all over the world.

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I was fortunate to be raised in a household that DID NOT judge people who were different. I was taught to look at character and values. My recent driving experiences have reinforced my parents’ beliefs: There are great qualities in people of every color, nationality and religion.

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Perhaps if we stopped fearing what is unfamiliar and take the time to know people who are different, we might learn to open our hearts and our minds. Most human beings want the same things: A safe place to raise our children, security, opportunity and a support system. We have more in common than we have differences. If you want a kinder world, be kinder. If you want a world that doesn’t hate, don’t be a hater. Teach your children through positive examples.

The next generation deserves nothing less! Judge Judy says, “There is a reason you have two ears and one mouth.”

Think about this!

Make 2017 the year to make positive changes by not judging without merit.

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick will help give you insights and understanding as to why you make the choices you do. Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy   http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you perspective. You have much to gain and little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.   #self-respect, #kindness, #communication, #diversity #openness, #understandingothers.

How Do We Deal With Loss?

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This past week several of my friends experienced loss. A good friend recently lost her husband; another is having a service for the father of her children; another is visiting the cemetery on the anniversary of her daughter’s passing, and yet another has lost her precious dog. If we are fortunate to live a long life, we will experience loss due to death. When it comes to mourning and dealing with loss, there is absolutely no formula, right or wrong way to cope with it.

For example, one of my friends does NOT want any communication for several days. Another is reaching out to her friends by sharing her sadness in writing. Another friend plans to take a hiatus to spend time away from her home.

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There is an expectation that loss of a loved one, family pet or marriage will cause varying degrees of tears, heartbreak, depression and loneliness. No one would expect less.

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What happens though when the loss is subtle? This could be a move to another area, ending a toxic friendship or quitting a group that you have belonged to for a long period of time. Although these are not necessarily life altering, we still feel a sense of loss and sadness. Whether this pertains to a routine you had established or friends you had met, the end result is emptiness.

Although we all deal with disappointment, loss and change differently, my advice is to find balance. We all have the capacity to work through tough times. We all have the ability to make our lives better. For some this process requires small steps. Rely on your faith, your friends, a group, a book and your inner strength, as you don’t need to do this alone.

So, how do we deal with loss? We accept it, respect it, and ultimately find ways to live with it.

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do.roni-kugler_final_low-res-2

With the holidays upon us consider giving my book as a gift to friends, family, co-workers or those who can benefit from understanding themselves and therefore their actions. That’s pretty much everyone, don’t you agree?

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your #interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.

 

#loss, #balance, #faith, #change, #whatmakesyoutick.

How Can I Get Others To Treat Me Better?

I have been talking with several friends lately regarding this topic:

My grandson was barely 5 years old when he was introduced to another 5 year old who lived in his complex. This boy started calling my grandson names while they played ball. My grandson told him many times to stop. When this kid called my daughter-in-law “fat” (which she isn’t), with total frustration, Travis said, “You have lost the privilege of being my friend.”

After a few days the mothers sat the boys down and they talked about sharing, getting along and being nice to each other. It was all very civilized and a great lesson on working through problems.

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Whether dating, working, being a part of a group or spending time with close friends and family, we all teach each other what we will and will not accept by speaking up or staying quiet.

You can appreciate the following examples: One friend said with regard to first and second dates that it is up to each of us to set a bar of behavior with the men and the women that we encounter. A co-worker, thirty years ago, heard that her new boss was a screamer. Before he had an opportunity to go off on her she had a conversation with him. On the first day of employment she went into his office and closed the door. In a very polite and calm voice she said, “If you ever start yelling at me, I will quit my job”. He never once raised his voice to Patty.

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I hear children talking to their parents with such contempt and distain. I hear husbands and wives talk to each other like they were enemies, not lovers.

Life is short. Choose to spend time with people who elevate others. Do the best you can to eliminate the negative people that come across your path. I try to be aware of my own behavior talking with others. I take responsibility when I am not my best self by admitting my mistakes and trying to be more understanding and objective with others.

If there are people in your life who bring you down, if there are people in your life who make you feel small, if there are people in your life who cause you to question yourself ask yourself why you allow this. Then make a plan to change the situation.

You are worthy of being surrounded by kind, caring and respectful people. If you don’t agree with this, ask yourself why.

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My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do.

You can buy the e-book version by clicking this link, http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr or get a printed copy mid summer when it is released.

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

Why Would I Buy A Book About Me?

Life is a gift. It is fragile and it is short. Take the time to know yourself. We spend much of our early life in school learning to read, conquer math and study history.

We then learn a job, how to maintain our car, operate our electronic devices and various other tasks required to get along in our world.

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How much time do you take to really get to know yourself? To understand how you ‘tick’? Along with knowing yourself, how much time do you take to really understand others and learn how they ‘tick’? Perhaps if you make this an integral part of your life, you will learn from both your successes and your failures. You will become more aware, and understand why you repeat your mistakes without taking responsibility for some of your choices.

I have found that if you take time to really get to know yourself and the world in which you live, your life will be more fulfilling and give you the happiness and peace that you truly want and deserve.

For a small investment, my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, could be just what you need to start the journey towards making decisions that you can feel good about.

Roni Kugler_final

Isn’t it time you invested in yourself?

Click this link to get your copy of the book that could have been named, Finally There Is A Book About Me!

http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Do You Make Mountains Out Of Molehills?

For those who aren’t familiar with the expression, “Making a mountain out of molehill,” let me fill you in. While there are lengthy articles written about the origin of this phrase which goes back to 1484, the bottom line refers to someone who overreacts to a minor issue.

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We had planned this family visit for a couple of months. My brother and his wife live out-of-state so our time together is always special. Well perhaps not always. “Why?” you ask. Let me tell you about our last visit. I am embarrassed to say that it wasn’t due to my long wait at L.A.X when I went to pick them up. It wasn’t due to their long day of working then flying across the country. It wasn’t due to our lack of sleep. It wasn’t due to the 300 mile road trip(we spent the day going from one family member to the next). And lastly, it wasn’t due to my driving back alone the next day while my brother and his wife stayed an extra few days to visit with another brother and our mother.

So, you ask, “What was the discord?” As I said, this is rather embarrassing as we are both in our 6th decade. My brother and I argued, fought, and did much rolling of the eyes because he felt his golf clubs and luggage would not fit in the trunk of our brothers car, and I stood my ground and said it would.

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If there is ever a Guinness Record for the stupidest reason to fight, I believe we are a shoo-in! Now if this argument lasted the short time it deserved, there wouldn’t have been a problem. NO, this ridiculous fight actually defined the entire 36 hours I spent with them.

When saying “goodbye” I was well aware that our time together had been compromised, and neither of us was happy with the outcome of our visit.   My brother and I talk weekly so when I realized that several weeks had passed since we had last spoke, I decided to give him a call. I am the middle child and therefore the peacemaker by birth order. He is the youngest and I won’t address what therapists say about the baby of the family (after all this blog is meant to mend not inflame).

The first words out of my mouth were, “Are we okay?” My brother who doesn’t mince words simply said, “You are a pain in my ass, but I love you anyway”. After I acknowledged the same about him we were then on good terms.

The take-away: don’t let silly, stupid arguments become bigger than they are. Being right (and I was) isn’t always what’s important. And in case if my brother reads this and is now rolling his eyes, I say, “Let him write a blog and tell his side of the story”.

If there is someone in your life important to you and both of you are off-track, make the call, send a text, and/or write a note.   Do what it takes to make things right. Life is way too short to make a “mountain out of molehill”.

gray tabby kitten cat rubbing up against a golden retriever puppy dog in grass in a garden scene with pink flowers behind them.

gray tabby kitten cat rubbing up against a golden retriever puppy dog in grass in a garden scene with pink flowers behind them.

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

Why Do Adult Children Cut Ties With Their Parents?

During a recent search on the Internet I discovered an abundance of adult children who have severed ties with their parents. There are many articles written as to why. Common themes are:

  • The children were raised in a child-centered home.
  • Parents did too much for their kids.
  • Parents concerned themselves more with their children’s self-esteem rather than teaching children self-control
  • Parents made decisions based on their guilt instead of using good parental choices.
  • The child is narcissistic.

So the list goes. The great majority of research that I have read puts the blame squarely on parents, not their offspring. I agree. My generation happens to be guilty of two things. First, they were and are way too involved in the lives of their kids. Second, they are afraid their children won’t like them.

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When did this happen? When I was growing up (wouldn’t you like a dollar every time someone said that to you?), my parents didn’t give a flying hoot if I liked them or was angry with them. They made parental decisions with the mantra “This will make more sense to you when you are a parent”. And, that was pretty much the end of it.

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My brothers and I were tormented by sleepless nights if we thought we were out of favor with our parents, not the other way around.

If your grown children are out of the house and the damage is done, do you feel there’s nothing you can do? Do you fear that you will never see them again or get to watch your grandchildren grow?   Do you feel you have no choice but to bend to their every demand? NO! NO! NO!

I say it is NEVER too late to start over. While my son was growing up I had conversations with him regarding mutual respect and expectations. I constantly redefined our relationship while maintaining my parental status. I a have strong opinion that your child should NEVER be your friend. That doesn’t mean you don’t hang with your kids. It doesn’t mean you don’t like your kids. It just means you don’t burden them with your finances, love life, or personal issues; these should be reserved for a close friend. I believe that when the lines of parent/child and parent/friend cross, the result can be unwanted advice, lack of respect and confusion.

My parents used to say, “You can talk to your friends like that, NOT your parents.” When you change the game by making your child your friend, the line becomes blurred. I believe the parent-child relationship stands on its own. We can have many friends, however, we have only one mom and one dad. Why isn’t this good enough?

Take a look at your relationship with your adult children. Is it working for you? Are you pleased with the way things are? If you answer YES pat yourself on the back, you did something right. However if you feel boundaries have been crossed and you and your children are off-track, then take action.

Make a plan to sit down and communicate with your children… not by email or text; not with your child and his or her spouse present; one on one. Talk about how much you love them. Talk about some of the mistakes you have made. Then arrive at a common ground where you can redefine your relationship and forge a new bond.

Don’t miss another holiday or family event without your adult children present. Make the effort. Do not blame. Do not yell. Open up your heart and listen.family dinner

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

Get My FREE Guide On How To Avoid Losing a Loved One Due to a Senseless Fight!

GET THE FREE GUIDE BY CLICKING HERE!
Improving one’s interpersonal skills can turn around many unhealthy relationships. If you are interested in saving your marriage or saving your relationship with friends and/or co-workers, my free manual is an excellent guide to help you learn how to communicate more effectively. Good communication skills are the main ingredient to achieving a healthy relationship.

Get my FREE GUIDE – CLICK HERE!

When you find yourself becoming impatient with a loved one and you feel like yelling at them, take a minute to stop and work on your anger management techniques. In my manual, I give step-by-step anger management tips that are sure to help any relationship. I talk about taking time out to gather your thoughts. I list various ways to talk through your issues. I give many examples that will help you turn a bad experience into a positive one.

If you don’t have the time to attend anger management classes, or seek anger management counseling, simply using my suggestions will enable you to enjoy the same results by learning to keep your cool while communicating your thoughts.

Whether you are a man looking for marriage advice, or you are a parent who is concerned regarding anger management for kids, I can help you approach the subject in a non-threatening way which will be beneficial to everyone involved.

Get my simple, yet powerful 5 techniques to avoid losing loved ones due to senseless fights! 

If you like what I have to say in this video then I encourage you to LEAVE A COMMENT below – I welcome your opinion. You will automatically be added to my list and receive regular notices of my new articles and upcoming book. Thank you!

1 Thing You Need To Know To Avoid Arguments

TAKE AN ADULT TIMEOUT.

About 30 years ago I attended an on-site traffic school (yes, before you could do this on-line). Most of us had been ticketed for speeding. The instructor introduced himself and talked about boring statistics and useless facts so most of us were half asleep. Right before the break he said, “Would you like to know how to NEVER get another speeding ticket?” Clearly he got our attention. He took his time and said, “Never go faster than the posted speed limit”.

Speed Limit

He now had a room full of disappointed students. We were all looking for inside information. No one was prepared when he simply said, “Don’t speed”. We wanted something that helped us get away with speeding. We wanted a trick. We wanted an easy fix. Instead he offered us a conventional sure-fire way of not spending the next Saturday in his classroom.

Are you shaking your head right now? Do you feel like you were misled? Let me assure you that sometimes the simplest solution is actually the best solution. I have applied this lesson often over the years. There is an easy way to do things and there is a hard way to do things.

Back to the subject of the 1 thing we can do to avoid an argument. Most conversations don’t start out as arguments. Arguments tend to happen when people say things too quickly. Arguments tend to escalate when we jump the gun, listen with half an ear, or defend behavior we shouldn’t defend.

Time and space gives us perspective so we can silently decide what we want to say. Both allow us time to think more clearly as to what our end game will be. The various possibilities are:

  1. To be heard and defend our position
  2. To win the argument
  3. To hear what the other person really wants
  4. To make peace while finding an amicable solution.

 

We all have our own lists; take the time to think about what your list would include.

I recently found myself having conversations that could have easily ended in disaster. Different opinions and goals came into play. In a few of these conversations, the result could have been hurt feelings and strained relationships if I had not taken an adult timeout. Harsh words can be said and before you know it, an argument could ensue that might have been avoided. If you find yourself in this position, try any of the following before you lose your cool. Simply say:

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  1. “Let me think about that and get back to you.”
  2. “It sounds good, but I need to give that some thought.”
  3. “You make a good point; however I need to think that over.”

And if you find that you have said words you regret, or if you were just plain wrong, it is okay to call the person back and say:

  1. “I am sorry”.
  2. “You were right”.
  3. “I made a mistake”.

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Although these tactics might seem like common sense, they are often ignored when we are tired, angry, or frustrated. Therefore, taking the time to cool down allows the groundwork for a comfortable solution.

Think about these suggestions the next time you feel that a conversation is going in the wrong direction.

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

How Do I Avoid Having Too Many Regrets When My Life Is Almost Over?

Do you ever feel like you are constantly taking two steps forward just to take one step back? Or even worse, do you find yourself taking two steps forward only to trip on the one step back? Does it seem like every time you save some money, the car breaks down or you need dental work?

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Well, I can relate. We all have periods when we struggle and wonder when will we get a break. The reality is that life is cyclic and most of us will experience successes and setbacks on a semi-regular basis. I truly believe this is why it is so important to really appreciate the good times when they happen. And why it is so important to make as many wonderful memories as we can.

We all struggle to prioritize our time, our money and all the other various resources that we have. Too often we choose to attend a funeral because it is the right thing to do, but we have a hard time spending our money and taking time off for an out-of-state wedding, graduation, or family vacation.

I am certainly not advocating going into debt when you can’t pay the electricity bill. However, if there is a way to plan, save and be creative to make wonderful memories, I really advise you do so.

My new criteria for deciding whether I say yes or whether I say no to the things that seem out of reach for me are the following:

  1. When I am on my deathbed will I regret having made the decisions that I did?

That’s right, there is only one criteria that I will ask myself. I know proper English dictates that if you have a 1 there needs to be a 2. In this case, I disagree.

Family. Friends. People close to your heart. Money. Trips. Possessions. We all make choices when deciding what is important to us. When all is said and done, when you are lying on your deathbed, will you be thinking about the cars you owned and the toys you had? Or will you be picturing your family times and vacation times that you shared with others?

Check in with yourself today to see if you are making the choices that will allow you to be at peace with yourself when you are faced with your own mortality.

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In my upcoming book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, I give examples and exercises in several chapters concerning counting your blessings and where to get your inspiration.

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

 

How Can I Become a More Positive Person?

If someone were to ask you whether you tend to fan the flames or calm the fire, what would you say? I am referring to arguments, discussions, or a difference of opinion.

 

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Some people are great at defusing potential fights. Others are great at taking something relatively small and helping or causing it to become WWIII.

When you think about your interpersonal relationships, would the people in your life say, “YOU stir things up”? Or would they say, “YOU help calm the situation”?

Your tone of voice. Your physical stance. Your attitude says something about you. Do you talk behind a person’s back? Do you create an atmosphere of hostility? Or are you the one who tries to be a calming presence to those around you?

How well do you know yourself? How would you like others to see you?

I have recently been an unwilling participant in a situation that went from bad to worse. When I reflect on the scenario, I can now see how it was handled, but more importantly, how it could have been handled.

We can all do a better job of taking responsibility for our part when it comes to the work environment, our social encounters, and our personal relationships.

For me, I would like to be viewed as someone who elevates a situation, not someone who fans the flames and causes chaos and ill-will.

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Think about how you are seen, but more important think about how you would like to be seen.

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.