Conflict

Collective Voices

I have always admired people who take a stand when they have been victimized. I have always wondered why so many people speak up ONLY after a group has paved the way. On some level I understand the fear of not being believed. There is no question that fighting an institution or system is (at best) time consuming and frustrating. Whether it is the church, gymnastic coaches, or powerful people in positions of authority, it is NOT OKAY to manipulate, threaten, or blackball simply because you can.

big dog. vs. little dog

Taking this a step further, what about the ordinary person who has been scammed? What about the spouse whose partner cashed in the insurance policies to gamble? What about the friend who borrowed money? These people should also be called out and held accountable for their actions.

There was a time in our history when people who committed crimes wore a sign around their necks for everyone to see. Public shaming was part of letting others know not to be fooled by these people. There was a famous deli in New York in the 50’s that many movie stars frequented. These stars felt they were above paying for their bill. After the owner tried countless times to collect his money, he chose to put a sign in the window with the names and amounts owed for everyone to see. It did NOT take long for these accounts to be paid off.

Public Shaming

Why is it commonplace for victims to keep the names of their tormentors a secret? Why aren’t we using social media and word of mouth so others are NOT put in the same position? People who molest children or rape women have histories of repeat offenses. Perhaps if more people spoke up sooner and louder, others would be saved similar fates.

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Personally, I think we all need to be good stewards of our friends, family, neighbors and society in general. Let’s stop passively allowing others to continue victimizing simply because it could be unpleasant to take the necessary steps to expose their behavior. I am a firm believer that all evil needs to prevail is for good men and women to do nothing!

In My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick I address several of the subjects I discuss in this blog. Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy of my book: http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.#standupforyourself, “bullies,#honoryourself, #takeastand, #collectivevoices,#solvangusa,#faceyourfears.

Standing Up For Yourself

In my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick”, there is a chapter called Standing Up For Yourself. Many in my circle have suggested that I re-read it, along with a couple of other chapters and several of my blogs, namely Listen To Your Inner Voice and Honor Yourself.

During the past year or so I have been faced with challenges that have contributed to my feeling like a victim. Victims can be victimized over-and-over simply by not taking a stand. Years after being bullied, taken advantage of, manipulated or scammed, is it difficult to move on because you did not take measures to stand up for yourself?

day in court

There are many avenues available that can help empower us to get past the injustices. First, acknowledge that victims have a right to be heard. Next, formulate a plan and follow through. Depending on the circumstances, this could be to contact the person and tell them how they made you feel, or write a letter and either mail it or throw it away. Many times merely putting the words on paper is good enough.

Photo of the Constitution of the United States of America. A feather quill is included in the photo.The Constitution of the United States is the supreme law of the United States of America and is the oldest codified written national constitution still in force. It was completed on September 17, 1787.

There are times however when you will want to seek more extreme measures. This could involve presenting your case in court. I have always been a fan of the saying, “All evil needs to exist is for good men to do nothing”. Don’t make excuses thinking, “this is just too hard” or “perhaps a judgment won’t go my way”. No matter the outcome, sometimes it is good enough to simply have your day in court.

john-oliver-dogs

Life is a series of experiences. There are ups and downs and curve balls thrown our way. We are all faced with them. It isn’t a matter of “if”, but a matter of “when.” The difference between those people who let life get them down and those who get up and persevere is how they handle whatever is put in their path.

Standing up for yourself is your right. Don’t question it or doubt yourself. Accept that bullies can only exist if they are allowed to continue to torment their victims!

In My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick I address several of the subjects I discuss in this blog. Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy of my book: http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.#standupforyourself, “bullies,#honoryourself, #solvangusa

HOW IMPORTANT IS YOUR INNER-VOICE?

The first chapter in my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, is called Listen To Your Inner-voice. I have decided to dedicate a blog to this subject for those who have not read my book, do not know what their inner-voice is or those who need to be reminded of the importance of their inner-voice.

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Everyone has an inner-voice, however; we all experience different clues when it comes down to it. For some it is a feeling that something seems wrong. For others our hearts may race a bit, our fingers may tingle, or we just might feel uncomfortable.   Still others have a hard time swallowing or their stomach may feel queasy. Some people use the term, “I feel it in my gut”, or “I have this nagging feeling”. Learn to pay attention to your body; it is an integral part of our senses as are sight, hearing and taste.

No matter what your personal signs are, it is NOT in your best interest to ignore them. When deciding on a job, an investment, a relationship or even buying a new car, listening to your inner-voice will give you the edge when making decisions.

For those who aren’t even sure what their inner-voice is, I suggest here and in my book to really pay attention to your body, not just your eyes and mind, when faced with a choice. Really feel what is going on with you. I once went car shopping with a friend and my first instinct was to buy a car that was too expensive, not practical and just a poor decision. My friend, knowing this was NOT the car for me (as she wasn’t emotionally vested) had to drag me out of the dealership with pen in hand, to take a long walk and grab some coffee.

dog in car

Bottom line: I DID NOT buy the car. Although I saw all the red flags at the time, I would have ignored them in the moment. Once I was able to get a clear picture with time and distance, I made a much better choice.

Although it took a friend to help me this time, going forward I have since learned over the years to be my own best advocate. I never bought a car again without using all my senses in making my decision.

As in my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, I advise you to really pay attention to your personal inner-voice. This is easier than you think. Next time you are faced with a decision, no matter how small, take a moment or two to clear your mind and pay attention to your body. If you continue to be mindful of small clues going on inside you, you will be inclined to make better choices.

innervoice sign

If it turns out that you ignore your inner-voice and make a decision or two that you regret, don’t beat yourself up; learn from it. Wisdom isn’t achieved by NEVER making mistakes. Wisdom is attained when you learn from your mistakes.

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy of my book:   http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.

#innervoice, #decisionsmaking, #wisdom, #solvangusa

Life Coach

Do you find yourself unable to move forward with your life simply because you can’t imagine how to crawl out from under the weight of your present situation?

A Life Coach may be your answer, not necessarily a therapist, attorney or financial adviser. The job of a life coach is to work with you while guiding you to understand and ultimately work through the challenges that prevent you from completing your immediate or long term goals.

My qualifications include the following:

  • I am a published author of the book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick.
  • I have authored the instructional manual, How To Avoid Losing a Loved One Due To a Senseless Fight.
  • I have written over 150 inspirational blogs.
  • I have created 36 motivational You Tube Videos.
  • I have received glowing endorsements from psychiatrists and psychologists from major institutions.
  • I have counseled numerous clients with their interpersonal problems with an amazing success rate.
  • I work with young students as well as those in the third chapter of their lives.

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Please feel free to check out my website at Ronikugler.com. My book is available on Amazon.com

If you feel that your life can benefit from my services I can be reached at:

#growththroughawareness, #mindfulness, #nevergiveup, #Godhelpsthosewhohelpthemselves,#itisnevertoolatetoteacholddogsnewtrick. #eachchapterofyourlifecanbeyourbest.

 

NEVERGIVEUP

Roni Kugler

Roni12Ways@gmail.com

818-207-1511

Is It Good To See The World Through Rose-Colored Glasses?

Some people think it is unrealistic to see only the good. They regard people who do as naïve. What happens though, when the rose-colored glasses give an unrealistic view of a person or a scenario that leaves us making poor decisions and dealing with the disappointment of being misled? Studies, including Psychology Today, have shown that people who look for the good and the positive actually feel happier, are more productive and others want to be in their presence.

happy person

I have discussed this with numerous people, and unfortunately I have had personal experience in this area. We all have one thing in common: Because we are not manipulative people and we live up to our word, it is difficult to believe there are those who don’t. We are educated, mature and feel we make sound choices. And yet…when it comes to certain people we succumb to the adage, “There is a sucker born every minute.”

Long after removing ourselves from the situation and engaging with the other person, the common cry remains, “What were we thinking?” With distance and time it is very clear to see all the red flags and oncoming trains. Yet while we were living the situation, why was it impossible to achieve clarity? Like me, I trust that you had people in your life that advised you, warned you, and told you their concerns. Somehow though we defended and justified our actions.

RedFlags

It is my nature to take someone at his or her word. I don’t like having to stop and analyze, “What is this person’s motive?” So, how do I and those like me protect ourselves from falling into a similar trap?

I know I am now using all my senses. I look for actions, not just words. I feel with my heart and my gut, and think with my brain. I take things a bit more slowly. If we aren’t learning from our experiences and mistakes then we have only ourselves to blame.

So if you, like me and millions of others, see the world through rose-colored glasses, take them off once in awhile to thoroughly clean them. This will provide you the opportunity to see the world for all it is. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

Rose colored glasses

Share your thoughts; I would love to hear them.

My book 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do.

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

Our Inner Dialog: What Does It Really Say?

This morning I shared one of my recent inner dialogs with someone whom I really respect. It went something like this, “Geez Roni, what an idiot you were to have trusted that person. What were you thinking?”

inner_dialogue

My friend said, “Would you have said the same thing to your son or grandson had they confided in you that they made a similar mistake?” It didn’t take me long to say, “Of course not, although I may have added that was a bonehead thing to do.”

My friend then said if you were walking with a friend and she stubbed her toe, would you comfort her?” I replied, “Of course I would.” She continued, “If you stubbed your own toe, would you berate yourself for being careless or not wearing better shoes?” Sounded just about right to me.

Okay, so I am sure you get the analogy. I know I did. Our inner dialog lets us know how we are dealing with our lives and our decisions. Harsh words and negative thoughts ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS!

This journey we call life is comprised of choices. Some will be good, some not so good, and some will in fact be bonehead decisions. It is what we learn from each circumstance that will ultimately guide our future decisions. Will we be repeat offenders or wiser people?

behind bars

On a very long walk later in the day, I changed the dialog in my head to sound like this, “Okay, Roni, you can’t change the past. You can however give yourself a break by acknowledging that this wasn’t your finest moment. Know you have the ability to devise a back-up plan, comfort yourself with a “there-there”, then move forward.”

There are no magic pills that can guide us through all of life’s challenges. There are no magic words that can erase bad choices and decisions. Fortunately though, there is a new start everyday when we awaken. We have the ability to make a decision to walk in a direction that is more positive and that will ultimately help us feel better about ourselves.

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When you change your thoughts from negative to positive, you improve your attitude and energy. So if you find yourself in a storm without an umbrella and rain gear, find a warm place to wait it out. Take a hot bath when you get home. And make a plan to keep the necessary equipment in your car to be better prepared the next time.

sunsets

And for God sakes, give yourself a break!

There is a chapter in my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick, titled Honor Yourself. Like all of the chapters I give examples and exercises to help my readers understand themselves better. I plan on reviewing it for myself.

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.

Bullies

There is a great deal of focus on kids who bully at school. There are many shows dedicated to educating parents and children about cyber bullying. Children are subjected to bullies on a regular basis. As adults and educators, we must be super sensitive to this, as young people often don’t know how to handle the situation when faced with a bully. What happens though when the bully is an adult? Unfortunately, people who feel entitled to boss and push their way through life come in both genders and all ages.

bullies

I have been with people who have exhibited short fuses when it comes to talking with sales or service people. I have listened to friends tell me they have been yelled at by other adults at friendly card games. I have experienced rage at places where I play sports. I see adult children talking to their parents in a manner that lacks respect.

What do all these people have in common? It is my opinion that volatile people really don’t know how to communicate their impatience, disappointment, expectations or anger. Consequently, they often resort to screaming and name calling as a means to make their point. Bullies of all ages tend to choose targets that are either smaller, younger, more passive or in a position where they are unable to defend themselves.

I personally find this behavior despicable. Harsh word? Yes. However adult bullying is even more unacceptable than kids on the playground since we have the capacity to weigh our words and temper our impulses…or at least we should by the time we have matured.

If you are bullied, ask yourself why you allow this to happen. If you are the bully, ask yourself why you feel entitled to push other people around with your words or actions. The expression, “Your right to swing your arm ends at my nose” applies to words as well. No one should use another person as a target for his or her personal lack of control when it comes to self-expression. Don’t give anyone permission to treat you with ire and unkindness. It doesn’t matter if the person is your boss, your friend, your children or your parents.

Men boxing. Two men boxing on the boxing ring

If you recognize yourself in either of the above scenarios, hold up a mirror and ask yourself why this is your method of expressing displeasure. If you are the recipient of someone using their anger to insult or rant at you, ask yourself why you don’t speak up for yourself.

Woman looking in to the mirror

In my book, “12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick”, I address Standing Up For Yourself. As in all of the chapters I provide you with relatable, practical exercises and stories. I guide my readers to first recognize their own behaviors, and then take the necessary steps to fine tune these behaviors thus becoming more empowered.

Whether you have watched your parents bully other people or you have experienced bullying, you are not destined to repeat these behaviors. I firmly believe you can teach an old dog new tricks. Take control of your life by taking control of your mouth and your actions.

new-old-dog

Make 2017 the year to make positive changes by becoming someone that you respect and would choose for a friend!

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy of my book. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? You have much to gain and little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family.  #self-respect, #kindness, #communication, #bullies, #interpersonalrelationships.

Why Is It So Hard?

We all have pet peeves. My biggest one is when I hear someone say they aren’t doing something that they really want to, because it is too hard. Why is hard the criteria for finishing school, changing careers, leaving a bad marriage, losing weight, exercising more and so on?

When my son was in the third grade and whined to me that math was too hard, I am pretty sure I encouraged him to study more. I know for a fact I didn’t say, “Hey no problem, just quit.” When my grandson first started playing basketball and found it difficult to run and dribble the ball at the same time, instead of quitting he made the choice to practice until he mastered it. Why? Because it was really important to him to play.

after-fourth

Personally, if I used ‘this is too hard” as a gauge, I would be writing this blog by pen. It was NOT easy to learn how to use an IBM typewriter (look it up) in high school. I would also still be using a rotary phone, or at least a flip phone. Also, I know for a fact that I would still be adjusting the rabbit ears (Google it) on my TV instead of mastering several remote controls to navigate my DVR and stream channels.

The reality: Life is hard. We must work for most of the things we truly value. I am sure the first time you learned to ski; play tennis; bowl; ride a bike or drive, it was hard. Did that really stop you from moving forward?

woman-snow-skiing-pv

Perhaps we need to utilize a different criteria when deciding how to live our lives. Take the word “hard” out of the equation. Try saying, “This isn’t what I want.” Or, “This isn’t worth my time.” Or, “This isn’t something I value.” Chances are these sentiments do not define your feelings. We really do want to achieve the task. We just believe it to be too hard. Perhaps if we said, “Even though this is hard, I want it so I will work for it.” Or, “Even though this is hard, it is worth my time.” Or, “Even though this is hard, because I value it, I will work and study.”

Those who realize their dreams and goals are willing to put in the time. My sister-in-law spent a year working on a yoga pose called Crow or Wheel. She did the pose in class for the first time when I was visiting her. I was so happy to be there to see her smile as the entire class applauded her achievement. There is NO question, it was hard. Another friend made a choice to live a healthier lifestyle. She changed her diet and joined a gym. Easy? I doubt it. Worth it? You should see how great she looks and how good she feels.

crow-pose

Don’t see things that are hard as deal breakers. See seem as a challenge that you can overcome. Sometimes you will be successful, sometimes you won’t. Truly, how will you know if you don’t even try? After all, isn’t that what we tell our children?

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do.

Use this convenient link to buy it or go directly to Amazon to get your copy. http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

Aren’t you worth investing a few dollars in order to make healthy changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve your interpersonal relationships? Lots to gain, little to lose!

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. 

How Important Is It To Face Our Fears?

This past weekend, at a tournament, I was given the opportunity to talk in front of 50 women about my book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick.

public-speaking

One of the chapters in my book is entitled Don’t Make Decisions Based on Fear. One of my top fears is public speaking. Knowing that I would be nervous, have cottonmouth and sweaty palms, I spent a week writing and rewriting what I would say. I started with a large pad of paper and then worked my way down to 36 3X5 cards.

Throughout the week I chopped away at my 36 cards until I had the main points I wanted to make down to 19 cards. A friend encouraged me to reduce it further to 8 cards and just put a few words on each to help me stay on point. When all was said and done I had 12 cards in my hand.

I practiced in the mirror. I practiced by talking into my phone and listening to my voice. I practiced in front of my two dogs. They didn’t exactly look impressed with what I had to say.

beagle-pups

The night before the event, several friends gave me advice: Take water so your mouth isn’t dry. Don’t read from your notes, speak from your heart. Find a friendly face in the crowd. My personal favorite, relax and be yourself. The reason this is my favorite is because I am not a relaxed person, and in these kinds of situations I tend to look for the exit sign.

About 15 minutes before I was to be introduced to these lovely ladies, Sally (one of the women I was assisting at the tournament) bought my book. She told me that throughout the morning she had found me easy to talk with and confidant, so she was therefore interested in reading my book. I thanked her and confided to her that I was nervous. She simply said, “You will be fine.”

With two minutes left before I was to speak, Sally asked me how many books I wanted to sell. I told her I thought 10% of the total amount of people there would be a reasonable expectation.

I started my talk by admitting that one of the chapters in my book was facing fears.   I then went on to say that one of my fears was talking in front of a large group. I looked around the room as I said; “I am choosing to push past it by talking to you today about my book 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick.” 

I saw many in the audience with encouraging smiles. The next few minutes flew by as I relaxed my body, and spoke from the heart.

I am grateful to everyone who gave me the encouragement to face this fear.   I am a firm believer that there are many kind and unselfish people in this world. I am most grateful to Sally, who had been a virtual stranger only hours before, for once again confirming this to me. And yes, she got me a little over 10% in book sales that day.

Although I will be nervous next week when I speak in front of a group at a Yoga Studio, I know I will be fine. I had proven to myself that this is something I can do even with sweaty palms and cottonmouth.

Women practicing yoga in a class

Women practicing yoga in a class

What about you? Do you allow your fears to prevent you from doing something you truly want to do? If so, check out my book 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick. Through awareness of how and why we react the way we do you will make healthier changes that will ultimately give you the perspective needed to improve interpersonal relationships. There is much to gain and little to lose.

You can buy the printed or e-book version by clicking this link, http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.

 

Is The Third Chapter Of My Life As Important As The First Two?

A good friend of mine has been telling me for months to watch a movie that was released in 1996. It is called Mother starring Albert Brooks and Debbie Reynolds. I finally got around to watching it on Netflix yesterday.

For those of you who weren’t born yet, or are too old to remember, the premise of the movie is this:

Two grown sons have a rather unhealthy relationship with their mother.  The older son (Brooks) is an author of several books who has unhealthy relationships with women in general. He blames his mother for this and, consequently, is at odds with her. Determined to learn why he and ‘mom’ are always fighting, he moves back home, recreates his teenage bedroom and spends all of his time with her to get to know his mother better.

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More than halfway through the movie he finds several boxes of short stories that his mother had written in her youth. He sits on his bed and begins to read them. When she comes home and sees him reading her personal works, she becomes very angry with him. He can’t understand why she is so upset, and she can’t understand why he is even interested in reading something from so long ago.

It is when he says, “Mother, I never knew you liked to write. I never knew you had this creative side”, that the movie becomes really interesting to me. This is mostly because I spend so much time thinking about what makes us ‘tick’. In other words, why do we act the way we do and make the choices we do. The biggest impact on me was when the mother said to her son, “I had a life before you; I had dreams of what I wanted to be.” This prompted me to think about the goals and dreams many of us put aside to raise a family and handle all of life’s demands.

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The son begins to realize that his mother has built up resentments toward him because he lived his dream and she didn’t live hers. In a very emotional and heartwarming way, he holds her hand and expresses his discovery to her. She then gives him a loving look and says, “You are right, dear.” Big Hug for them; lots of tissues for me.

Mother and Son Hugging

In the last scene:

He packs up his belongings and goes back to his life feeling satisfied that he has a better understanding of his mother, their relationship and himself. We see him get into his car, and we see the mother sit down at the word processor (remember this was 1996), with a smile on her face as she once again begins to write.

The take-away: The third chapter of your life is as important as the first two. Don’t just walk through it. You were someone before you became a parent, and you are someone after your children have leave the nest. Live each day with purpose, passion and joy! No matter what your age, you have much to live, experience and learn!

My book, 12 Ways To Discover What Makes You Tick is filled with practical exercises and suggestions regarding growth through awareness of how and why we react the way we do. This in turn helps us make healthier changes that will ultimately give us the perspective needed to improve interpersonal relationships. There is much to gain and little to lose.

You can buy the printed or e-book version by clicking this link, http://amzn.to/1T2u4sr

For more inspirational thoughts and videos, please sign up at my website www.ronikugler.com. If you find value in my articles, please share them with your friends and family. I welcome all comments.